Worse than ever - Back to Beginning or Groundhog Day 2

Hi. This has been a truly horrendous week. Even changing to this new beta.blogger system has caused problems - I tried a post 2 days ago using the "Hello" picture method, and it did not work for me. This time I'm doing it from within the blogger program. The image is of me on the beach at Seaford (near Brighton) during the summer - July or August? That was a happier and more peaceful time; so was the 4 days I went to Madrid, see my last blog posting. It was great to escape to the sun of Spain for a while.

What's happened this week is that my son Tom returned to his bad old ways of drinking himself to oblivion, and getting into trouble with the police. This, combined with the horrible, wet, stormy late autumn weather, and our poor female cat Cleo being very ill now with her terminal cancer, has made life here almost impossible for D. and me. I've coped OK for most of the week, but today it's beginning to tell on me. I spent most of the day at a local police station, as the doors were swinging, squeaking, in and out as other noisy people congregated waiting to be dealt with. (There had been a big fight - some poor youth had had been beaten up and his face stamped on, and 5 lads were bought in, with all their adults to back them up). I had to wait ages till Tom's solicitor turned up, and I did not eat lunch till 3.30 pm. Had to come home with Tom on the bus - he had sobered up after a night in a police cell, but almost immediately went out to drink again, coming home soaked by rain. His social worker was advising me on the phone that maybe he could help get him back into the mental hospital, but it was already too late - he had walked out.

Now he is lying upstairs drunk (since 5 pm), on several cans of strong cider - he has peed the bed (a new mattress 2 years ago - I had managed to protect it up to now). D. was carrying on at me, saying he wants Tom out of here - or he will do something drastic. But where could Tom go? The social services have not yet found him anywhere, and they advised us to wait till he was "more stable" (when??). He is also too vulnerable, probably, to live alone - he needs a flat with a care warden - but the council refused to house him due to his past record (of law breaking, and drunkenness in a bail hostel). When sober he is a delightful young man - not nasty or antisocial. When drunk, it's a different story - he changes from Jekyllto Hyde. Also he becomes incapable, so is vulnerable if he's out at night, in cold, wet weather, etc. He could die if he collapses in a park in winter. A homeless young guy died round here in the municipal gardens about 8 years ago.

As I write he is lying upstairs - he had 3 cans of cider with him, having drunk 5 already. We also had trouble last week with our 2nd healthier male neuter cat, Charlie, getting into a fight with Jack, cat next door, and hurting his paw. We have tried to claim on his new pet insurance - we will see if they cough up with any money. We will only get about a third of the cost anyway, due to the "excess" charge. We insured him after a previous recent incident, where we had to pay because he got a blade of grass stuck in his throat. Amazingly expensive at the vet's! Cleo, our other cat, is now very weak from her cancer - we could lose her while this is going on with Tom.

Tom was arrested twice this week - today and on Tuesday for a similar thing: abusive behaviour at the hospital. He is due in court twice next week, but we have to make sure he gets there. I have missed Al Anon tonight (I just rang two friends who belong - it works like that), as D. could not cope alone. I fear he could do something too drastic, but he tends to give up. I did make it to Al-Anon on Wednesday morning,when Tom was off the premises - this was very helpful, just to be in that loving atmosphere. I'm also having free counselling on Mondays from a group called MIND, which offers it to carers. They also funded my trip to Madrid: I only had to pay expenses while there. I'm officially Tom's carer, as he has some mental health problems.

I had to cancel a teaching commitment on Thursday evening due to all this - I was due to go up to central London to supervise 2 students. I aim to see them now next Thursday. I really must try to b e there. This is dragging on with Tom - he should have been in hospital by now... I need to stop writing now, to get our evening meal - but we don't have much appetite. Something simple, maybe pizzas. I prefer to do something more interesting, like stir fry or spag. bolognese. Everything I was supposed to do this weekend will be cancelled - I may not even make it to my church on Sunday - but perhaps may get to a local one (as a substitute). Sorry this is so bleak!

Anyway that's all for now. Love and peace, if you can get it. Tigey