Family Life very tense & tough: - & another Sick Cat

Oh dear. I have reported that Tom my son is now free from prison, on probation, and is resuming his life, with us, so far. But it's not at all easy: especially for me and D. First of all, the weekend was fine. Tom and I spent 2 days with the church going to a special event, and the Sunday worship. But we went against the elders' probable advice - they would have said Tom should not come on both days. Saturday was a special outreach day in Croydon. When I was alone at the church for our Agape meal on Tuesday, I was upset to get tough advice that Tom should only come on Sundays for the time being. They think he should take it in stages - fair enough; but behind it there was the message that "this is a family house, and we have to be careful". There are 2 families with children, but they are well supervised. Tom is quite safe with them. He is only a danger to anyone at all if he drinks - and that is not likely for at least a few weeks, if at all (this time - see below). The Pastor said that Tom should take his return in stages in case that puts him under strain; he should graduate it. That's fair enough, if it's the genuine reason. But I think he could cope quite well with going on 2 days out of 7, not merely one. He wants to go, and is being discriminated against. I felt hurt for Tom when I heard it.

Tom is otherwise doing OK, so far. He is attending two Fellowships to try to prevent his addictive behaviour. He is also in the process of getting back with his social workers from both the former teams that catered for him at the local mental health hospital, at Richmond. I met his former psychiatrist yesterday morning at a big function (and lunch) to launch the newly redesigned mental health services (under Government guidelines). I was the carers' rep. on the sub-committee for drug/alcohol treatment. The 'shrink', Dr. K., said he would be happy to have Tom back in treatment, and would talk to his ex-social worker. We have also rung the DAT (re. his alcohol abuse). We await developments.

I also tried, with Tom, to pursue his housing application. The stumbling block to getting this from the local Council is his offending history, and antisocial behaviour when drunk. They say he may have to go to the private sector - but there I've already investigated, and come up against private landlords not wanting to take on tenants on benefits. It's a real Catch 22!! But I found at the same big civic event that the best people to help here are his social and probation workers, or an organisation called SPEAR, that helps the local homeless find places to live. I've been phoning around, and Tom too made a call. He is about to fill in a form from the Drug/Alcohol team, to get back with them - they will give him a key worker. He may also be able to go into a residential hostel, but we'll see. The bail hostel seem to be out of the loop, as he behaved "inappropriately" when drunk, at the local one in February. He himself has hopes that he will stay sober this time - as if he fails, he could be back in jail for a year or more - and that would tell on him.

One further bit of really sad, bad news came to us only 2 days ago, on Monday. We found after tests at the Vet's that our dear, sweet, petite black cat, Cleo, has an aggressive lymphoma cancer. We do not yet know if it is operable. I want to post separately on her, with her picture. Meanwhile, look back at her photo in a previous blog - about last December or January. She is such a lovable little cat, like a tiny princess in her ways (though not a pure breed). D. was in tears at the news. She may survive if she has a severe operation - but we do not know until after more tests. She and her big brother Charlie are truly affectionate together - he will miss her if she "goes". (She stays in more.) They will both be 8 years old next month.

That's all. I feel really stressed, and am very glad of my Al-Anon programme to help me through. My faith helps, but I feel hurt by our church's attitude to Tom. They were like that before: this time it could affect his recovery. Why don't they realise? I shall sign off now to cook a spaghetti bolognese, Tom's favourite meal.

Love - and peace if you can get it, Tigey.