Arrested on a "Breach of Order" - Back in court in 2 days' time

Well - hello again...

Things here have not changed much from the last 2 blogs, except to get a great deal worse. Last time I wrote that Tom was settled into the local bail hostel - a large, well maintained, converted police station in Kew. He seemed content there, but only survived for 11 days in all, as on the Tuesday just 8 days ago he began drinking again. He brought booze cans or bottles into the hostel - a severe breach of rules, so he was required to leave. That meant the only option for him was to come back home to us. We had hoped (vainly) that we had passed the burden of his conduct and control on to the 'authorities'. He was also continuing to booze relentlessly. We drove over there to collect his belongings.

His chaotic behaviour went on until today, when a court warrant was issued and he was arrested for breaching his community order (probation) - on several counts. He had missed at least 2 probation appointments, and had been drinking almost continuously. He had been 'reckless' of his own safety (as lawyers would put it). On Monday evening he drank so heavily on top of his 'detox' medication (Librium, given at the hospital), that he fell off a bench in the street and split his face open (along his nose). He bled copiously from the nose and face - staining his black storm jacket, which the hospital also cut off him, so it was useless. (he has lost 5 jackets this way over a week, plus jumpers or sweat shirts.) I had to fish in the pockets to retrieve the rest of his cash. For nearly 2 hours we thought he was on the danger list, as he had to have a brain scan. Then his brain was found to be OK, but they kept him in hospital overnight, on sedation. The next morning he walked out of there and got drunk all over again; the hospital cut another good jacket off him, ruining that one (I had only just bought it, at a charity shop).

The evening before, he had been trying to detox during the day, but had lost the plot, and gone off to drink a little that evening. He came back, raging and suicidal. We called the emergency services (ambulance, police) and went to the hospital with him. I was there for over 4 hours, as a caring doctor tried to sort out what to do. Could they "section" him under the Mental Health Act (1983)? No - it was largely the drink, according to his former psychiatric team, so they just had to treat him as before (dry him out), and then let him walk off into the night air (very cold - around freezing point). Late one night over this period, he arrived at our front door with his jeans dropped round his ankles, having walked down out street like that, in the cold. (Such loss of dignity and vulnerability!) Last night he came home with no underpants beneath his trousers - and again those were loose. He also had bare arms and lacked a jacket, as it was cut off, as I said above.

Imagine how D. and I have been feeling - living on our nerves, getting more and more exhausted. Also we've been here so often before - it looks as if nothing will change for Tom (as D. always says). I am usually more optimistic, but what else can be done?? At first I coped quite well. I still did my teaching on the first Thursday evening, and on the night before i sang with the choir for the installation of a new woman vicar at our church locally. But after 3 days I felt really worn down. I also visited my sister H. on her birthday for tea. Sunday onwards was a nightmare. I still coped most of the time, but yesterday Dave and I were arguing, not far from "divorce" - that is the way parents or family like us are affected. I had to keep one explaining to D. what was happening, what the police were doing, what the various options were, and so on - until I was getting hoarse, and a headache. I also had to manage Tom when he came in - bathe and bind his wounds, medicate him, change his clothes, etc. I am in Al Anon, and they would argue, "do NOT do this" - let the alcoholic suffer, so he will see the need to reform. If you help this enables him to go on drinking... But how can you have your only, beloved son in the house, drenched, bleeding and cold, in wet clothes with sub-zero temperatures outside? I had to help him change, put blankets on him, wash his dirty clothes and put out clean dry garments for him. I had to dispose of the torn, wet trousers, jackets and T-shirts, and empty his chamber-pot. (D. would or could not.)

Yet I am not "Superwoman"! I have had much support from 'sisters' in my church - they have texted me (on my mobile phone), and I spoke to friends and my actual sister H., on the phone. Today I went to a relaxation class, run by our local carers' group - that was good. (But I had to miss Al Anon, as too much had kicked off today and the last time. I'd had to answer the phone, deal with police officers, and phone several people until I knew that Tom was safely in police hands,a dn could do no more harm to himself or others.) I cancelled my teaching for tomorrow, but will do it on Saturday morning (if the class runs) and again next Thursday - things will have settled down by then. I had to tell my head of department (S.P.):- no way could I go up to London for 3 hours tomorrow. He will have to cancel the class if necessary. That class date will have to be reassigned, which is always possible.

Well that's all I can say - I have to stop to cook our meal (as ever). Keep in touch, and do please pray that some day Tom will recover and be sober and mentally well for all time, as he has not managed to yet. I just don't want him to become a recidivist prison jailbird. Maybe he needs another shot at rehab. It is now all in the court's hands in 2 days' time, as to what will follow.

Thanks for reading this. Love and peace - Cheerio for now,
Tigey