Living in the Day with Al Anon - What is Addiction?

Hello readers -

Well, we are getting into 2006 now - the festive holiday (ie. Christmas) decorations are long taken down, and life is back to a normal routine. I tried to open my email but had trouble with it, so I am blogging again, even though nothing dramatic, wonderful or terrible has happened to me yet this year. Tom is getting by so far, though he sometimes withdraws into his own space, and we don't know quite what is going on with him - but he definitely is not drinking (that's the bottom line). I've been doing the Al Anon programme regularly now for just over 6 months. This teaches us to "live for the day" - "take it easy" - not to worry about the future or next week, even tomorrow. You let your "Higher Power - the God of your understanding" take care of the alcoholic in your life (or the drug addict), and do not try to control their life as you may have done in the past. Detachment is a key principle: I have to acknowledge that I don't have power over Tom over his drinking, or other behaviour. He has to make his choices; he knows that he must keep sober, and drinking gets him into very serious trouble (the law and prison, recently; and collapse and mental disintegration, a few months ago). His Higher Power (God) has to take care of him - also so does D's, as he also is one who puts me under pressure to consider his needs, which may be at odds with my own.

I go to Al Anon twice a week - two separate meetings at the same venue. One comprises mainly women; it has grown since I joined it, from 7 to 14 people. The other (on a Friday evening) is a big meeting of 25-30 people, so I do not always get a chance to speak, or "share". Usually someone speaks on a topic - eg. "Acceptance" or "Courage to change, or "Respect". That person (the "Chair") discloses a little of how they achieved this (or are trying to) - and then others share their views and experiences. I did a chair 2 months ago on "Serenity". One is not supposed to "cross talk" or give specific advice - you can phone or talk with someone in private after the meeting. I have not really done this, except when asked - as I am fairly new (as I've been going for 6 months). But new people join every other week, so I am no longer the new girl.


AA and Al Anon state that alcoholism is a disease, and the only answer to booze addiction is not to pick up drink again - never to drink alcohol. The same applies to drug addiction - in Narcotics Anonymous, as far as I know. Clearly being alcoholic is not the same as having a physical illness like cancer or heart disease, but the consequences are just as serious if you don't stop drinking. You can die of liver failure, heart disease or cancer, if you survive the risks of drowning, dying in a road crash/accident, or in a violent personal encounter. It increases depressive tendencies, so it can increase the risk of suicide. With street drugs, some addictions are more psychological than physical - as with cannabis. In England & Wales the legal status of cannabis has been debated again in the first few weeks this year:- should we grade it back under the higher category, Class B, which it was from 1971 until early 2004. Now it is Class C, the same as some "prescription" drugs in UK, eg. tranquillisers. When it was Class B, the sentences for possession of it were higher; there was a clear risk of imprisonment, whereas now - if one possesses only a small amount, assumed to be for personal use, the chances are that one is not prosecuted, or else is just given a caution. There are stricter penalties for having larger quantities (ie. being a dealer) or having cannabis near a school, or other places where children congregate. I am in favour of the lower classification, combined with much better educational input to inform young people of the risks of cannabis - we know from recent medical studies that about 10% of earlier users are at risk of severe mental illness (psychosis) as young adults. That is the "harm reduction" approach, which I endorse, rather than prohibition. As a lecturer, I teach students on drug issues (at university).

As I write our 2 black cats are sleeping peacefully - Charlie is on D's lap; Cleo on an armchair, curled up on a blanket. Tom is out somehwere - probably at an AA meeting. He goes to one 6 days out of 7. This is the best way for him to keep sober, and so far it is working. He is fairly well mentally and spiritually, now (will it last??). Al Anon say - "Don't project ahead". I have to face a few weeks of lecturing work, and some voluntary work in fundraising for my church (which I'm not doing right now!). We have one enjoyable thing coming up in 2 weeks - a day trip on the Eurostar (Channel Tunnel) to Paris. I was last there in 2001, on a short holiday ("je parle un peu le Francais": I passed well at A-Level when I was 18). This time the other two are coming with me; they only know a few words of French, so I will be interpreter. Neither has been abroad since 1996; Tom had to get a new passport. I have travelled abroad about once a year in the last 10 years, mostly in Europe (S E Poland, last year) but also to India in 2002.

This week we are going down to the cemetery where our daughter Alice is buried - at Oxford, where she studied for about 8 years. We will also visit the widow of her college Chaplain, who died 2 years ago; he is buried in the same cemetery, only a few yards from her grave spot (she has a silver birch tree and carved wooden bench, but no headstone - it was a green burial). The author J.R.R. Tolkien is buried in another plot - pilgrim fans trek there to visit his grave, especially after the Lord of the Rings film trilogy - which Tom and I greatly enjoyed. Tom has the 3 videos; he watches them quite often. Now we have a combined DVD/VHS player-recorder, so we have the choice. We have many older films on VHS, and hope that plain VHS can be used for several years to come. (We have lots of cassette audiotapes and almost nothing to play them on now). Technology moves apace... D. (my husband) still does not have a mobile (cell) phone; he is resolutely technophobic (does not use a PC either)! Forgive my typos - it's time to sign off again -

Love & peace, until next time!
Tigey