Tom and late Sister Alice at her Graduation - Oxford, 1998

 

Here we see my son Tom in happier days - looking better than he does now (he was 5 years younger). This was almost before he had an acknowledged "alcoholic" problem. Of course he had been a heavy drinker at his own university (Wales - Swansea, not Oxford), and he was already having counselling for it. He himself only graduated that year (1998) - Alice who was here collecting her bachelor's degree, having actually gained it in 1994 - a first class honours. She was by this time almost through completing her D. Phil (doctorate) in Earth Science - also at Oxford: awarded in late 1998. Always so busy with her latest geological work, she had never had time to go through her graduation ceremony until this date (mid-summer 1998). At the present date this is the only set of pictures we have of Alice on CD. There are others in this set, showing her in more informal mode with her family or her last boyfriend, at a family Christmas (etc.). Alice had two serious boyfriends at Oxford, both doctoral students from her Department and named Jon (or John). She was so happy during this time - she truly enjoyed her academic life, work and friendships. When Alice was alive, only some of Tom's troubles had happened - we were all still hopeful he would overcome his early problems and find his place in society (a job, friends...). Alice died in a road crash in the Scottish Highlands in May 2000.

Tom had also done well - in his terms - that year (1998). He had just gained his lower 2nd class degree in social science at Swansea - he was hoping to come home and begin a real, steady job. This was never to be. He was turned down for office work; he lacked the skills. He tried social work in care of elderly people, but found it too much of a challenge. He did get temporary or casual jobs that never lasted, and ended up on benefits. He went back to train in IT (the basic elements), and then a 2-year local horticultural course which took him 3 years due to his drinking. Between those times he went away for a year to live in Northampton (the Midlands), to be at the centre of his new church (the JF), and had a series of casual jobs - interspersed with voluntary work or being unemployed. Given a casual gardening job by a friend in the church, he discovered his interest in outdoor work (landscape gardening and conservation) then. This is what he has since trained in. But by the time he finished in late 2004, his mental health had deteriorated, and his drinking was preventing him from moving on as he wished. He had to go into hospital a few times from 2004-05. He has been seeking work experience through voluntary work in conservation. He has managed that only a few times this year (2005). Now he is in prison on remand, for something he did (totally out of character) while heavily intoxicated. We do not yet know the outcome (his sentence will be at the end of this month) - meanwhile we have a period for reflection, while we all wait.