Sentenced (though not for too long) - a Social Debt

Hello again.
My typing has become really bad. Fingers running away with me - excuse any typos here and in my last blog. It's been an emotional day...

Today our son Tom was sentenced for the offence he committed in late September, while drunk. I had been believing he might get a community sentence - ie. probation with strict conditions. But this was not to be - and maybe I was foolish to hope. The courts (and the public) take a serious view of what he did, and despite the fact it was a first offence, out of character and there were extenuating circumstances, he has to take the medicine. Society expects him to be punished - some people would still think he got off lightly. He was given 9 months in jail from today, at the local Crown Court (a higher court than the first one). In reality he will serve half of that - so it becomes 4 and a half months (it is policy, as our prisons in the UK are so full). Then a short amount is taken off as he has already been in for over 3 weeks - so it ends up as about 4 months and 1 or 2 weeks. We are looking at him coming out around March 8th next year (2006).

In some ways this is like a sentence on all this family - we are all affected. Our life and hopes are reduced; we too hve to accept what he did, and the consequences. This is despite the fact that D. and I will not have to make allowances, or worry about Tom while he's in there. He cannot be out to commit more offences (of whatever kind) or disturb our everyday lives through his drinking. On the other hand he could have been seeking treatment and getting it. His social worker was lining something up - going into a local residential mental health care hostel, which was considered before. Maybe this can still happen next year when he's out again. Also if he offends again before the 9 months is up, he would be taken straight back into prison - with no further trial, to complete the original sentence. At least there is no more doubt about the near future, and we know where we stand. He has gone back into the vulnerable offenders' unit he was in before today - he may stay there, or be moved elsewhere later on. There is a risk of adverse publicity - we just hope it will not be much (a reporter was in the court room, but she left early).

We have spoken with Tom by phone over the previous 10 days, and know he was coming to terms with what he had done - he was beginning to think it all through deeply. He has taken up yoga inside; this really helps him to unwind and relax. We have only so far managed one visit to him - he needs to send us a proper visiting order, and he had not done that. He also wrote us a very good letter, in which he explained his ideas and how he was facing up to life inside. He was helping another male prisoner who was feeling hopeless, and still had his Christian faith. It was his birthday today (30th) - the trial day - but we and other people sent him cards to arrive earlier. I hope he had them all. The judge said, what a mess he had made of his life - after an earlier promise (he had got a degree).

Tomorrow I have to return to dealing with Eric's funeral - that is my husband D's Stepfather who died last week aged 88. I have to order our flowers, choose a funeral hymn, talk with the minister and write an account of E's life (there's a fascinating audiotape that D. made of him talking about his past, several years ago); I also must start working on the application for probate. We will pay rent to keep his small council flat on for a month, so as to clear it all out. We have heard from his only blood relation, the nephew. There will not be anything to inherit, after we have paid for all the funeral and rent costs. The furniture is not of any value, and he had no precious items.

So many sad things in our lives! No wonder D. is depressed. I have to fight it off, and have been struggling physically with an aching back and hip, and bad wrists which got much worse a few days ago (a bit easier now) - I find that going to Al Anon really helps me, as do my friends in my church. I am not now in contact with J. who has not been sympathetic - she has too many of her own problems (and does not want me to write to her about things). My sister H. - a social worker herself - is usually very supportive, and is coming to E's funeral. I have another friend A. (a European continental who lives here) who keeps in contact by e-mail; we meet occasionally. She too is good for giving legal or social advice and is a strong "moral compass" - she trained as a lawyer in her original country, and works freelance in the courts over here.

Thanks for your support and for reading this. We are going through a hard time - not unusual for us! I do hope I can get a new cat or cats soon - had to put that off during all these weeks (since our old cat Whitton died). Our neighbour's cat Jack keeps calling round, but we need a cat or two of our own! Hope to get 2 young cats by December - something small and furry to care for, which will cheer D. up too.

Well, that has to be it for now - I have to cook our evening meal. Life always goes on. Think of Tom back in the prison - and pray for him to be healed of his problems. [Added next day - I wrote to Tom today and sent him photos and encouragements to hang in there. I need encouragement myself; I feel quite depressed some days - but today I found clearing up in the garden helped.]

Love and peace to any readers out there - Tigey.