The 'Demon Drink': the Serious Consequences of more Alcohol Abuse

Oh dear - what can I say? We've been through another disaster - not yet concluded. It's been a while since I have blogged. For good reason - I have been busy in new areas at first - I started going to Al Anon, for the relatives and friends of alcoholics or heavy drinkers. Tom was doing quite well out of his Rehab - he adjusted to the fact he'd lost his place there, and stayed off the drink until only last week. He had been clear of it for 4 and half months - this earned him a 4-month disc from AA, and much praise. He had not done so well for nearly 2 years.

Then about 10 days ago a series of things began to go wrong. Before that they had not been bad - I had even managed to go off for my week's holiday in S E Poland - this was great, but I won't describe it today. I had a truly good break. I managed not to go away after that with J. to Cornwall (fortunately - see below...). Tom was unwell while I was away, but it was handled by his going back to Pagoda Ward for a few days (D. coped with that); then he got better after I was back from Poland, and was discharged. Another thing that happened was: poor old Whitton, our cat, had grown weaker while I was away. After I returned he only lived another 2 weeks. He had a collapse after I'd been back 5 days - we nearly had him "put to sleep" then. But he did recover a little and got his walking back, so we left it, as D. was loath to have the cat's life ended. It was too hard to say goodbye to him. Only a few days later we heard D.'s stepfather, E. had been taken ill and put in hosital. E is 88 years old, and quite disabled. D. found this traumatic and hard to cope with. Luckily D. was not told about E. while I was away. Also the night I came home, two youths vandalised our car at night: they broke off a wing mirror. D. was really agitated about that; a bad time for him. Tom weathered this. He did well then - and was strong in supporting us - also when there was further bad news about E., which D. again did not handle well. Around this time we also did have to put Whitton down, and Tom helped us to bury him in our back garden. He was very strong on that day.

So the stage was set for Tom to go downhill again. First he got mentally agitated two days after E's second hospitalisation: we called in mental health emergency services, who calmed him down, and he managed to stay home. He was still withdrawn, and in 2 more days he began drinking. I tried to get him readmitted to Pagoda M H Ward, but it did not happen. On the 2nd day he drank, he was put in A & E (emergency ward) of our local hospital after being found collapsed. They and we were trying to get him moved back to Pagoda again, but things went wrong - after 4+ hours Tom ran out of the hospital and attacked someone in the street (I will give no more detail). He was still seriously drunk (did not get sober till next day). He was arrested and kept in custody - next day I had to be his "appropriate adult" when he was charged, and later interviewed by police. (I'd done this 2 years ago before for a lesser offence.) I made sure he got a solicitor (lawyer). I spent all Saturday afternoon at or near this police station 6 miles from here; had to kill time for 2 hours while waiting for the CID officer to come. (Bought a book on crime!) He was remanded in custody as this was a quite serious crime. D. and I felt very worried and upset... I lost much sleep the night it happened, and just managed to get some the next night.

On Sunday I went to church and received prayer and support - people were very kind. Then waited to go to court yesterday, continuing today. This was the magistrates' court - but the offence could go to the crown court (next level up). Tom was remanded in custody again - this time to a local holding jail, Wormwood Scrubs. This was a ghastly experience for him - he could have been bullied there, as a vulnerable inmate. He was in fact quite well looked after, but got some "grief" from fellow prisoners in the police van. Today - two things happened: first he pleaded guilty on his solicitor's advice; then the case was referred to a higher court for sentencing only. But the magistrates were kinder to him on bail - they allowed this, as the plea was that the offence was committed under serious intoxication, not a mental disorder. They allowed him home under curfew at night, and restrictions as to where he may go - no premises selling alcohol. We were asked to keep our own 2-3 bottles of drink out of the house. He has to be at home by 7 pm. If he breaches this, he would be back in court and possibly returned to jail to await sentence. Ironically this day will be his 30th birthday - what a way to spend it! We had planned a trip on the London Eye - now to be postponed. He is at home for now - very much relieved.

My church friends, my sister and other friends have been very helpful and kind: just trying to understand and help. Some of them have professional knowledge in this area, as social workers or legal workers, or as parents. Tom has to get further professional help, and to keep ón addressing his alcohol abuse by going to AA and getting couselling. He had plenty of character witnesses, and our family history looked good when read out in court. The sad accidental death of his very successful older sister Alice, in May 2000 was another factor. When Tom appears in court next, there will be a barrister working for him to get a fair but not heavy sentence - I hope, outside jail. This could be a community service sentence, also requiring him to have more treatment. He needs cognitive behaviour therapy to address underlying issues. The court could of course send him to jail for maybe 6-12 months - if it does, he is fearful this could destroy him. He has one previous conviction from last year for public drunken disorder. This new offence was his first of this type, and totally out of character for him. It shows how alcohol can make people change - their behaviour gets out of control and disinhibited.

Well, that's nearly all. I will update the legal situation after Tom has his next day in court. Meanwhile I will try to post pictures from my trip to Poland, which was in the forest region near the border with the Ukraine. Very remote, total wilderness.

Added next day (28th):- Tom is having problems in coping, back home. He was too agitated to attend an AA meeting this morning; he had not slept much. I went to Al Anon - then at end of meeting at about 11.30 am, my mobile phone rang: D. was saying Tom was suicidal, and I must rush back. What to do? I said: dial emergency services. But D. waited for me (it took me 10 minutes on my bike), and I then rang the hospital when I could get through. Tom calmed down a little and took some of his major medication. He was still agitated later on. I don't know how he is going to cope over the next month. He is very fearful and panicky about what may happen when he is sentenced; he fears being the likely victimisation he will get in jail. He would be under special measures, but still there would be some risk.

Best wishes to all - thanks, if you are able to sympathise with us.
Love, Tigey