Tom leaves Rehab prematurely - Family Upset and Depression

This shows D. (my husband) and Tom in his Rehab. in Kent, S E England, on an Open Day while Tom was staying there from June to August 15th - last Monday. Sadly he was kicked out for inappropriate anger towards another client (whom he hit when this guy criticised him in a therapy group). Tom was benefiting from his stay there - he was learning about why he abused alcohol, and how to cope better with pressures of life. But he always had problems with anger in a group setting - when other clients might say things he did not wish to hear. Three weeks before he was dismissed, he had injured his wrist by thumping it against the wall, and smashed two items in his bedroom. He was then given a warning. Yet staff I spoke with felt he had fitted in well, in general.

This particular incident revolved about his anxieties about work - ie. being employable in the future: he has long held fears about this. We had seen him only the Saturday before, and taken him out to lunch, as it was our 40th Wedding anniversary that weekend! We went to a Mexican restaurant in the historic town of Tonbridge Wells, and enjoyed lunch on the sidewalk with a blues band playing nearby. Tom coped with sitting by me drinking a glass of wine! I had been slightly uneasy about him harming his wrist - that showed he still had his demons... Yet he had been looking forward to completing the programme and moving on to the follow-up phase. This would have been after December. He did get through 2 months of the programme; this must have helped him in ways we have yet to discover.

However, after he got home, by train with a large rucksack, his moods were unstable. He seemed all right at first - he washed his clothes under my supervision, and filled in a form to re-register with our local doctor. Yesterday afternoon he seemed very depressed - he stayed in his bed, and did not seem to want to go out, to AA or anywhere else. This morning he said he was still very depressed. I had to go out - to an Al Anon meeting which I am glad I could get to - as it helps me. In any crisis one must have time for oneself (today's theme was "commitment" and raised a number of helpful comments and ideas). When I came back I tried talking to Tom, and helping to be more peaceful - I even prayed with him. But this had the opposite effect to what I'd hoped - he told me to be quiet, and then started raging in his room after I'd gone back down stairs. He had not been drinking. We were afraid for his state of mind, so called the emergency services - both police and an ambulance came, and he weas transferred to the local hospital to be seen by a psychiatrist. This resulted in him being sent back to the Pagoda mental health ward - in Roehampton Hospital - where he last was in May. I had rung his former social worker, who will take him on again. He felt Tom might act out after being made to leave rehab - he also thinks Tom will only need about 1 week in mental hospital, to stabilise his thoughts. [Added later - he stayed in a week.]

Being asked to leave was a huge disappointment and shock to Tom's mental state. It was also a shock to D. and myself - D. was totally devastated on the afternoon we heard he was being sent home; myown response was to rally round and get his room ready, but deep inside I was disappointed too. Yesterday I was being brave - even today, as I had to keep calm and phone lots of people. But I am also sad that I may have to cancel my holiday in Poland, due only in 10 days - I may get cover from my travel insurance (on grounds of a family member's sudden illness) but that is not guaranteed, and in any case I was looking forward to going on that trip. I will not cancel definitely until next week, in case Tom steadies down in time. I know D. is anxious about me going. He will also have to look after our old frail cat, Whitton, without my help (giving him daily pills...). If Tom's back at home, he could help with that - he loves the cat, but he is rather clumsy and gets impatient; and there's a danger his mood could swing down vioently again.

At least we got Tom to hospital before he had the chance to drink again - even though he nearly died last time he tried it, he was thinking of it. It is strange that while all this was going on, today has been a truly beautiful summer's day here. The terrorism situation here has gone quiet, but there is still public concern that another incident could happen. I am occasionally travelling on the underground trains again, but I'm still aware of the risk. As Al Anon has been advocating (in its literature, etc) I have been giving more time to myself - having physiotherapy on my wrists and back, and planning some holidays (I got to Southern Scotland OK recently). D. my husband, feels he does not get much out of life - but he needs to claim it, as I am trying to. He was only recently beginning to relax a bit (we enjoyed the Ruby Wedding [40 years married] weekend - the meal with Tom, and just being together. No plan for a big party, but my social worker sister H. and her partner G. are coming for a meal tomorrow).

This is a bit rambling, but you might expect that in the circumstances! If only life could be normal - I ask God to hear that plea. I hope you, my reader/s, are OK.

Love and peace to us all - Tigey