Alcohol Rehab on the Cards - and Old Cat's Recovery

Hello, any readers out there -

It is about time I wrote another blog, apart from the shorter ones where I've been posting photos. I hope people have enjoyed seeing the pictures of ourselves, our son and daughter and our cat, Whitton. Both Tom (our son) and the cat have improved. Whitton is a real fighter against his illnesses - most recently his abdominal lymphoma that was discovered in early May. He truly deserved the "Braveheart" award that he won at the veterinarian's - a small metal heart (that could hang on a cat-collar) with his name inscribed on it and "May 2005". He will soon have his photo and life story up on the noticeboard at the vet's; they will later be entered in a big open file the vets display on pet animals that have endured serious treatment there and won through. Whitton is on a "chemo" course fro several weeks, plus ongoing treatment for kidney and heart conditions.

As for Tom - he has been recovering in the "acute" Pagoda Ward (for mental illnsess) of nearby Roehampton Hospital, and has been on extended leave periods at home. He is coping pretty well just now, and going to AA most days. We went (over 7 days!) to see 2 films that he wanted specially to see: the first was, of course, Star Wars III ('Revenge of the Sith') - the second was the slightly under-rated Ridley Scott epic, Kingdom of Heaven, set in the Crusades of the C12th. This was a beautifully filmed and well acted tale - wonderful shots of landscapes, and battles with horses, swords and armour, quite reminiscent of The Lord of the Rings. It had the 12th century culture of Europe and the old Middle East off to a "T". I was rivetted. I liked the romantic part too (with Orlando Bloom and the Princess of Jerusalem, paled by someone I don't know), and the lesser parts of Sal'ad-din and Tiberius (Jeremy Irons - one of our good, established British actors) were good. Star Wars III was OK, often good, if in a rather formulaic way. I enjoyed the big set pieces, and the bit when flawed "good guy" Anakin Skywalker becomes the evil and horrible Darth Vader was powerful and fairly moving. Tom loved it - he was out of hospital and saw 2 of 3 films he had hoped to see. He had to miss The Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but we have the BBC version of it on video (no DVD machine as yet) - many say that the BBC's was better than the movie version.

Tom has been pursuing (with our help) a great new rehab. centre in lush English countryside at the village of Hare Hatch near Reading, Berkshire - "Yeldall Manor", which has a strongly Christian focus. As such this is right up his street, as they say. We can get local authority funding towards his place for the first 3 months, then would have to renegotiate. D. and I could put up enough money for the rest of the time if we had to, to make sure Tom sees out a period of at least 7 months. There is then a further 4 months of "halfway house" on the site - when we would not have to pay; he would support himself, perhaps. We all went down there by car (D. drove, I map-read) on Monday, 3 days ago - also with Tom's Drug/Alcohol Worker, N., a young South African woman. We were welcomed at Yeldall, which is very much like the central buildings in Northampton of our own Jesus Fellowship (MJA) church (an old English manorial house). This place was really "reproduction" - Victorian or from the C19th; it had big, oak-beamed rooms, well furnished, with wall hangings embroidered with Christian sayings or slogans. There was a meeting room with musical instruments and song books. The other residents were around the extensive grounds, doing jobs - horticulture and maintenance - when we arrived. We were given lunch; then shown round. We spent time in the gardens - they have 3 peacocks (amazing birds), a swimming pool, a rope swing (D. and I went on that! - so relaxing), a horticultural market garden section and a secluded pond with water lilies where one can sit and reflect. There is also a 5-a-side football pitch - Tom would enjoy it.

Tom then saw the senior counsellor or Manager, also named Tom; he was an effective, pleasant man who was easy to talk to. At the end he said he considered Tom could well be suited to this place, but the manager had to read more of the reports on Tom before he can be accepted. There is a tight programme of work, meetings, counselling and Christian worship (but clients do not have to do the last). As the men get better, they get privileges of going into town for shopping or recreation - eg. at a sports centre or the cinema. In the first 2 weeks, they are not allowed to phone out or receive phonecalls, but family can write to them once or twice; after that we can phone, and then visit at weekends after a month (they believe that having both sexes as clients would complicate the treatment - probably correctly!). There are some women there, but they are all staff; the clients are men aged up to 45-50 years. Of course, any serious violent or drug abusing misdemeanour would get Tom asked to leave; we discussed Tom's anger problems with the head man. Tom would have actually to hit or seriously threaten someone, or get a big amount of "debits" to be sent away - and/or use drug or alcoholic substances on the premises. The system works on a rewards-and-privileges versus debit system (ie. social learning theory): if the clients get debits, they lose various privileges, like being allowed to go out, lie in or stay up late at weekends. We talked to residents at the beginning and start of the ir programme - one guy (J.) at the end of it really impressed us: he is training now to be a drug/alcohol abuse counsellor. We are now waiting their decision on admitting Tom - but have strong hopes that he will be accepted. It is very much what he wants; it is clearly a very good place, so I pray that he will get in...!

Meanwhile, I have been marking students' exam scripts from Birkbeck College Faculty of Continuing Education Criminology course on which I teach part-time; also marking four Diploma students' qritten projects (10,000 word dissertations). I expect more exam papers to be delivered tomorrow, so will be busy again - áarrgh! Their future depends on my marks, so it is a big responsibility. I am the senior assessor on part of our course (The Psychology of Criminal Behaviour). If anyone thinks I myself should be able to sort out Tom's problems, I can't - I am also his mother, so am just too closely involved, except to help him pursue help for his condition. I also went on a truly peaceful and enjoyable riverboat trip (on motor cruiser "Lady Christine") along the River Thames around the historic Hampton Court and Molesey area on the River Thames, on Saturday last, with other mental health "carers"; we had a free outing with a fish and chip lunch (and free beer or wine). I took very restful pictures of the Thames - with ducks, swans and geese with their young, and the river life of simple bungalows, canoes, weirs and canal cruisers. We once had a riverside bungalow ourselves, with a small rowing boat, and used to stay there with our cats and rabbit (!) in the summer - so I was taken back in time to 1987, when we had to give our dear old wooden shack ("The Willows") up for financial reasons: the ground rent just got too high: then D. had just taken early retirement,so money got tighter; Tom was nearly 12, and his sister Alice 15 - they were so sad at leaving it all behind for ever.

So on that elegiac note, I once more say goodbye - I hope you have enjoyed the mix of things here today: the present and the past, hopes and reminiscences... Maybe the next time I write, Tom will have his place in that rehab near Reading (see above) - he may even be in there by then. Wait and see, wish us luck - or pray for it all to work out for Tom (and our old puss-cat)!

Thanks for reading this, if you have been -

Love & peace - Tigey