What next - He escapes from Mental Hospital... I'm freaked out

Hi anyone -

I am totally wiped out, and earlier today I really went 'off my head' with despair - as my mentally ill son Tom escaped at mid-day from the mental health ward where he was being detained, though I thought he was fairly secure there. He is or was a voluntary patient, but they are now talking of "sectioning" him under the Mental Health act (1983) - as a danger to himself. It seems he waited his opportunity and pushed his way out as someone else came in - perhaps it was the staff bringing the lunches. Anyway the SW15 police were alerted, and I rang our local police too, in case he headed back to this district (which he did). He could have gone anywhere: into the two local big parks, off to drink again, back home or up to London. I also rang both branches of our London J F Church houses. I wondered seriously if he was going to the vast tree and pond filled Richmond Park nearby, where he might have killed himself. This was because when we saw him over the last 2 days, he was extremely agitated, depressed (talking of wanting to die) and lacking any spark of hope. (The first 2 days he was too ill after his first admission, to try anything much, as was so before).

At the time this news broke I was preparing my slides, photos, notes and artifacts for a talk on my travels in the Tatra mountains of Slovakia in 2003 - to a "forum" or group of older, retired people in Ealing tomorrow. I realised this could not now happen, so had to phone round until I could get hold of someone to speak to about this - to cancel it and get them to rearrange. The normal contact was unobtainable of course, and I had to ring the Town Hall. They needed my apologies, plus a warning to find another speaker at 2 days' short notice. Last week too I had to cancel something similar also at Ealing, on India, when Tom was still loose, drinking and not yet in the "safety" of the mental hospital ward.


On most previous times he had regained some stability by the 2nd-3rd day in the M H ward. This time, he'd had much more alcohol before he was admitted, and was more affected; after all, he had been in intensive care and nearly died. Also he has since then been despairing of being able to change - as we are also beginning to, now. He had asked me on the phone, only an hour before, if I would pay for him to move into the Priory - a really expensive, luxury and celebrity hospital that does rehab work. I had considered it, but it would take half of our total savings; we are now retired (I am almost) and need a fair bit of it ourselves. I would consider it as a last resort. I'd said he had to wait and give us time to decide what was right for him. No way could he leave the hospital now! He was still too ill, not even half way through his detox. So he acted out what he wanted to do. But he only drank again (and maybe not enough to do too much harm), rather than comitting suicide, as I'd feared.

We then had to arrange for our local hospital A. & E. to transfer Tom back to the Pagoda ward (mental health) - which they did manage, so he is back there now. But he is now aknown security risk. D. and I will go over for the ward round and see what the doctor says; also how he is again. Surely in a bad way again. We fear he will always be mentally unstable - so what sort of life will that give us? I am desperate to go way again this year - last year I had to cancel because of him. I have almost given up my lecturing, as it was so difficult in the last year. I still have one more big lecture to do next week - a week ahead - so I just hope things will revert to stability, he will be detained now - and I can get on with preparing my talk. I wanted to go back to Scotland - even with Tom - this July; can we still do that now? Maybe I shall go alone. (D. will not go - many reasons.)

On another tack - our dear old cat Whitton is getting a bit hard to manage too. He keeps on wanting to stay out at night, though he is very frail now. We are afraid the foxes in our garden and all around here might "get" him. I bought him a light, reflective collar with a small name-tag, so he could be found in case he collapses in another garden - in case the owners do not know him. We would hate him to end his days unknown, unclaimed and unburied - he is microchipped, but not everyone realises this. Whitton is slowing down so much now, and may not last more than 2-3 months I think. He still thinks he should be outside all night, with the other cats, though! We are trying to keep him in after it gets dark, which he hates. On that note, I shall end. It is of course all a relief that Tom was found - and thank God he's still alive!

But my expectations are still low - he needs to have some hope of a better future - this he has lost. (By the way - my complaint to my MP, who I am pleased to say was re-elected, and the Chief Exec. of Richmond Royal Hospital [that gives the O P care] about their last week mishandling of Tom is being looked into - I've just had a written acknowledgment from the hospital: it will take about a month.) Goodbye till I next write - I hope with better news.

Love and thanks if you have persevered,
Tigey.