More Alcohol and Mental Illness Pain - Tom almost died (on Alice's Anniversary)!

Hello all.

Above (or below) here you can see a picture of Tom, as he looks when he is cleaned up and doing OK. He was with us at Christmas after a few weeks in hospital after a previous dangerous drinking binge. Just recently, we have been through it all again - only worse. He is now in the 'Pagoda' local mental health ward again, since only yesterday. I know it has just been the UK Election - I shall write about that soon - the result was just right! We (this family) did not want the Conservatives back in power, but the PM, Tony Blair needed a lesson: I was against our taking part in Iraq War. I voted by post: Lib. Dem., for a great candidate, Vince Cable - whom we know and who has been helping us over Tom. It was a fight beteen him and the Tories here, anyway. D. also managed to vote.

I have today written 2 formal, typed letters of complaint to the local Director of the Mental Health Services, and to the local Head of Social Services (with copies to several other useful people). This is because we had a "window" in which Tom could have been got into hospital - but I could not contact anyone at the Richmond M H services, and Tom in the end slipped through our hands, and went off to drink even more. He had sobered up after 4 days' drinking, as he had been put in a police cell for several hours, then been at home after that for 7+ hours. He waited a while before he went off again, frustrated - and bought several bottles of vodka with money out of his bank account. He had access to it by then. Over this last weekend we had an extra bank holiday, so Tom could not get at any money - he had found "dregs" on the field or by the road, and even shoplifted a bottle or two.

This proved disastrous for him: on May 3rd (the anniversary of our daughter Alice's death in 2000) he collapsed on the field by our house. A neighbour walking her dog saw him - I rang the ambulance; it came, but the drivers refused to take him to the local hospital A & E! This was because he had caused a real fracas there the day before. Everyone had been trying to get him to stay in bed on the ward, so he could be seen by a psychiatrist (when sobered up) and then transferred, as I was hoping. But he shouted (that he wanted to die, he hated himself, and also 'let me go!'), swore, pushed us all away, then barged out of the ward and hit a young woman nurse in the process. So he now has a bad reputation there. I also had scratches and bruises from trying to restrain him. He was later arrested outside the hospital, wearing only a hospital gown, plus tracksuit bottoms and socks.

Then Tom went on drinking the next day - after the police had arrested him and he'd been at home fro a few hours (see above). He walked out, very groggy, and was looking for more alcohol (vodka bottles he had bought the day before) hidden on the field int he bushes. He then disappeared from view - we had been watching him from the bedroom window. I thought he had gone off through a covered path in the bushes, into another road. But then 30 minutes later we heard a police siren - an ambulance was driving across the field to the far corner, and a 'cop' car was there. We ran out and across the field again (I had to throw clothes on, as was not dressed yet) - and told them the young man lying there unconscious was our son. A man walking his dog had found him - we are truly grateful to him, as he saved his life perhaps. There is a small river just by there - he could have fallen in and drowned; it is always my fear when he drinks.

They drove him away very sharpish - back to the hospital A & E. I rang in another hour, and was told he was taken to Intensive Care - ie. he was "critical". He had difficulty breathing. So he was near death - only the day after our daughter's death anniversary... I couldn't believe this was true, and it did not hit me staight away. I rang again after another hour or so, and they said he was more comfortable: now out of danger - but we had to wait. There was now a good agreement that he would be transferred to the mental health hospital (Pagoda Ward) when he was clear of alcohol; meanwhile they were SEDATING him. Why, oh why did they not do this before?? Now he could be kept in there safely until he was well enough to be moved. We went in to see him at 9 pm. He was still drowsy, and could only say "Water...", which he kept wanting. He was on drips and catheters set into his body. We left dry clothes (his others were all soaked by rain and his own urine; he had gone out at midnight and got soaked, before staggering home). We said we would ring in the morning to check what happened later: if they had by then moved him to Pagoda Ward.

We left for home - then tried to unwind and get some rest. This was difficult. That day - yesterday, the UK General Election Day - I felt very strained. We rang the I C Unit and then Pagoda about 9 am: we found he had been transferred there by ambulance at 6 am - so his M H treatment could start again. I left a message for Tom's key social worker, who had worked tirelessly to help (no complaints there). We would go in about mid morning to take him some more clothes (he had one dry outfit by now), books and writing stuff. He had not washed or brushed his hair or teeth for 6 days - he looked like a hobo or tramp.

When we went over I was feeling stressed - the effects of it all had hit me. My nerves were bad, and I was also feeling quite depressed. I made an effort to be OK when I saw him. He said he felt bvery ill. They had to remove his urine catheter before we could see him. We said we would go back again today - which we did. He was by now marginally better, but said he could not sleep at all last night. When he did, he had a terrible nightmare. He had kept going by watching the Election on the ward TV in the common rom - this was allowed! He has always been interested in politics (he took it for his degree) - so this event and the overnight TV coverage was a Godsend! We even had a little talk about Labour government, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown today - I think this was good, to distract him from his own deep despair about his condition. He is very fearful about his state, and his behaviour. I heard from Bryan (his S.W.) that he could go into another local therapeutic home that is run by social services, could cope with his alcohol issues, and is cheaper than Lanc. Lodge (the place we had in mind before). He could go there straight from leaving Pagoda - and they would help with his drinking too. I reassured him that this was worth trying. We will go back to see him again tomiorrow - he should be a bit more detoxed by then.

Tom knew he nearly died - and was fearful. He has not yet apologised to us - he is too much inside his own head. I told him this had put us under a terrible strain, but I did not labour it. Such discussions will have to come later. Anyway, I have to stop now as ever, to cook a meal for us. We will rest more tonight, and perhaps I will recover some of my usual bounce (like Tigger!). Poor old Whitton, our cat - he seems very feeble now: we thought he had a little "turn" last night, but he is OK today - we are keeping an eye on him too.

Thanks, if you have been reading all this ... It was a lovely sunny but cool day today, but such a sad time for us... I did manage to light a candle for Alice on May 3rd, but my attempts to reflect on her short life and lovely nature were interrupted all the time. We had a few cards and letters from friends who knew her. I also wrote a new poem for her (still to be typed).

Goodbye - love & peace -
Tigey