More grief: Son's Drunk Bingeing and desperation. Plus a College Reunion

Well - it's been a while...
I have recently been too busy to write anything. I had to catch up with other jobs - work, and writing up shorthand notes of church meetings. But now it is back to the familiar story I started with - my son Tom's mental ill-health which makes him drink. Last week he began again; he had also been drunk for one day the week before. This time he went back on his eternal "roller coaster" of drinking and more boozing. He went off, drank - then got picked up by an ambulance crew and taken to hospital, the first 2 times. But after that he continued; then the Police were involved. On two of 3 occasions when he was put in a police cell, he struggled and raved, ending up with summary fines - the new on the spot public disorder penalties. One was for £80,as he was abusive to a police officer, and the other was £40 for being drunk and incapable. I got him to write a cheque for the £80, but paid the other one myself. He had also incurred a fine in August, which I also belatedly paid, as he had lost the paper fine form (He must pay me back!). He has not been able to cope since with writing cheques, though he has been able to go to the bank and take out money to fund his drinking - while the money still remains in his account.

He says all the time he is really desperate (he now threatens "suicide" or "I want to kill myself")- what he wants is to be allowed back into hospital, where he was during most of August after a similar bout (see earlier blogs). But this time the out-patients' mental hospital at Richmond will not readmit him - they say he is presenting with alcohol dependency and must be treated for that first - and not IN the hospital. We have seen his Key Worker B.C. and spoken to him a lot by 'phone: he says there is co-dependency (he did not use that term, but I know what he means) between Tom and myself; also with D. (my partner & Tom's dad, who also depends on me to a degree). Tom is sadi to be enabled to carry on via our support. (AA would say the same.) But it is a "Catch 22" situation: we can't turn him out of the house, or he would go under, and probably die. He would not survive for long on the streets. I have now asked if he can be rehoused elswhere, but this can only happen when he is relatively stable.

The M H authority do not take his suicide threats seriously - they say he is not using the "right" words or actions to indicate he is serious: there must be give-aways. He did take a small overdose of tranqs last month, but only as a "cry for help". His main self-harm is via drink, from which he sobers up, and on whichhe can survive. He does have several underlying mental illness symptoms, but the alcohol use masks these, so his drunkenness is all the hospital staff see - hence, they will not treat him within the ward for his mental illness. They have given him appointments for the Alcohol Unit, which he will not be capable of keeping; he missed a counselling session, the day he started drinking. His court appearance, due this week, may go the same way - then he is liable for a more serious punishment, maybe prison. Could he survive there? He's too vulnerable.

Last weekend I did manage to go to an enjoyable university reunion (over 2 days), at the LSE - London School of Economics (London University): for those who graduated in 1964-65. I saw some old friends - including my long term friend Sarah now living in France, and Ian H, Pete B., Tony T. plus the still very attractive, flame-haired Coral B. Great to get together with them again. There was a good dinner at the House of Commons, addressed con brio by the former Labour Health Minister, Frank Dobson, also an LSE graduate from 1962. I had never experienced that before. (It was not long after the invasive 'pro-fox-hunting' protest incidents there in our News!)I had bought a cheap but stylish, sparkly bare shouldered dress for the Commons do - and wore my blue velvet jacket, black some court heeled shoes and a small black silk evening bag that had been my mother's (1940s style). I looked quite good I guess. Lots more people were missing. D. should have gone tooo (as we met at the LSE - he also left in 1964), but he stayed home as Tom was so vulnerable, and he lacked the confidence to "mingle". I will tell more about this event in another blog when I have more time. There was an evening, less formal reception the day before, an informal lunch (with wine-tasting), a City of London guided walk - led by an Emeritus geography professor, plus 2-3 lectures and tours of LSE. Took a few photos.

Last week I also managed to get to The Lion King at the Lyceum Theatre in London, with J. We had booked cheapish matinee tickets (but still nearly £18). That afternoon Tom had disappeared, but we'd had no news of him. I told Dave I was not willing to waste my ticket, so he had to hold the fort at home alone for once. We were up there for 4-5 hours. I did enjoy it, and managed to forget my troubles almost, though I felt a bit unwell with my bad sinuses, and also guilty for leaving the situation behind at home. It was a wonderful, creative, dazzlingly clever show: I realise why it has been such a huge success. I had wanted to see it for a few years - not had anyone to go with, but J. was keen. The African savannah creatures (lions, deer, hyenas, elephants, birds etc.) were beautifully realised as puppet heads on the key actors, or puppets manipulated by the actors, who were also brilliant dancers and singers. the music was good too, with great African rhythms. (Sir Elton John wrote most of the music, the rest was by a brilliant young Afican musician called Lebo). I think the stage version is better and more original than the film. I lost my Indian Tiger Reserve peaked cap while up there (punishment for going?) - tired to get it back, but no trace. The 3rd cap I've lost in 4 months.

I will continue this story in due course. I am wondering how I will cope with my class teaching on Monday evening - I am trying to make arrangements for "cover" if need be. I must stop and get offline now, to be in 'phone contact with the police and/or hospital, and others.

Wish us luck - or pray for us! God help Tom - he is much danger now of serious trouble with the law/courts, let alone his mental health deteriorating.

Tigey.