Recovery - attempted detox - and more discoveries

Hello readers, if any...

Today we have started trying to pick up the pieces from my son Tom's serious latest drinking bout. Underneath it all, he has serious psychological problems, and a confusion about the expression of his sexuality. (On this - he is neither gay nor harmful to others, only to himself.) Yesterday, he had continues tod rink - h took money out of my purse, stiole some mild tranquillisers (librium) and went off, but eventually returned at 8 pm, drunk. Meanwhile, by then I was at the "families' drug and alcolhol support group" (a therapy group with 2 psychologist/ psychiatrist leaders) at the local mental health hospital in Richmond. Although I felt really ill and tired, I made sure I went, leaving my husband in charge. I'll come back to that.

Today, Tom's drinking was resumed first thing this morning - disastrously at first, as he found some drink of ours that was not too well hidden. Also, he had a half bottle of vodka he had bought in and hidden. Our booze was a bottle and a third of Malibu Jamaican rum, something I like, hidden in my room - but not well. I found all the empties in his room at 8.30 am. Before that he was agitated about 6 am, and asked me for tranquillisers. I said he had pinched tham all yesterday, and there were none available now. I'd made him a doctor's apppointment, but had to cancel it. I also rang the MH hopital teams he goes to (two) for future appointments. Had to wait for him to sober up again,so we could get him to the local GP (doctor). Before this, he went into a final degradation - he fell off his bed, semi unconscious, and then, before I could help prevent this, found he had pissed himself. He was lying in a puddle of his own pee, on the dusty old carpet. I tried to get some of it mopped up - there was almost half a bucket's worth - I had to mop it as if baling a boat! Eventually he half woke and got back into bed. Before that I'd got his tracksuit bottoms off him, and we then stripped off his other clothes and put them in soak. Later on I removed the carpet, threw it outside and chucked a bucket over it. It will have to be thrown out as garbage, and he must make do with the vinyl only.

When he finally did come to again at lunch time, he was demanding "something to make me sleep" and/or more alcohol! I said there was none in the house - he had to sober up so we could get him to a doctor, to get the tranquillisers he needed to begin a detox . With difficulty we managed to keep him going until a Doctor's appointment with our very good GP, in the late afternnon. He duly after questioning Tom gave him some stronger librium than the last lot - to have 4 times a day. Tom had the first dose in the car ont he way back. But back home, they were not having an afect - after only 30 miniutes, he made the same demand, saying the pills had not worked. I said, wait till 6 oclock and I'd bring the next dose froward. Reluctantly I thought this was the only thing I could do. He had this, and then seemed to settle more - this is where we are now.

Before that he ahd been creeping around upstairs. We wondered if he was looking for more booze, but were sure there was none. Then I found him hiding something under his duvet. It turned out not to be booze, but something he had attached to his nether regions. I won't say more, but I wonder if he is trying to injure himself "down there". He has a great guilt complex about having sexual desires, as he has the ideal of being celibate. It may all be connected to his Christianity. The Protestant church we belong to (the MJA) has a celibate section, of both men and women, and Tom has always seen it as his ideal goal. At the same time, he has strong sexual needs - this is natural enough, at 28! But he sublimates them into inflicting pain upon himself. I will not go into more detail. He then feels guilty in God's eyes, for "sins of the flesh". I think God will forgive him, if he repents and tries to sort it out. (He does show great contrition - but does it again.) My husband Dave, who is not a Christian or any sort of believer (but agnostic) thinks we should not worry about the sexual aspect too much, as he considers the church's stance on this - ie. that sex outside marriage is sinful - is poppycock (no pun intended!). Dave has a healthy "secular"sexual attitude, and I am not a prude. I feel Tom should accept he has these urges, and try to find a girlfriend - and maybe marriage one day.

The family alcohol therapy group lst night advised me that Tom should address the psychological problems underlyoing his drinking. They also noticed my stress - I had lost my voice, and looked puffy eyed with tiredness. Tom had turned down hospital treatment 2-3 times for his basic problems, as too demanding of his time - preferring to go along with AA and focusing on the drinking. He went to AA frequently in the Spring, and managed not to drink for nearly 4 months. Then he had fallen out with his sponsor, and shortly after he went off into a 9 day binge - (in June). This left him with a chesty cough,as he was out in bad weather for 36 hours, when we found him. He suffers with OCD plus Tourettes's (possibly) and has much anxiety. His guilt and depression make him start drinking. One reason for his problems now is that he was badly bullied in his school and early college years; even at university. This only stopped when he gave up his old local peer group and joined the church, but the damage was done. His old crowd had twice beaten him up badly (it was when he drank) - he'd been hospitalised twice, ending up traumatised and mentally ill.

I hope to report next time that Tom is now recovering. We need to see how he does overnight. the GP said he should give up drinking for life - but how can he? He's so weak willed. He still does not seem to realise the harm it's doing to him - his physical health will also break down before long. He's fairly robust as yet. It can all end in "wet brain" and losing one's functions. At the end of the week he has an appointment at the Detox clinic at the hospital - I hope they can push him along a bit. Also that he will go back to AA - it does help him and gives him a structure. But he needs the psych. treatment too. He does have a (new)psychiatrist; he is due to see her in about 10 days - when he may be well enough to deal with any new ideas.

Meanwhile, I have had to miss Agape night at our church - where we have a tasty cooked meal, and fellowship plus Bible study and worship; then a meeting with church news and prayer issues. About 60 people are usually there on Tuesday evening (many more on Sundays). The church members have been texting me with support; they are very concerned about Tom, who is their "brother". He rang one or two of them for help.

The weather has changed from wet and warm to sunny and muggy again - my asthma has been a problem over this period, with all the strain, etc. Our old ginger cat, Whitton, is enjoying the sun - oblivious to all our concerns. We gave him his regular heart pill (he has to have one every day, for an enlarged heart.) He is a consistent source of serenity in our troubled houshold. Also we managed to defrost the freezer today - it was no longer effective, as it was so frosted up. So - water pools in the kitchen, and wee upstairs! That's life.

Anyway - bye for now, if you 've been reading. I'll get on to some of the "serious stuff" in future postings - politics, crime, the environment - (Is the world going to be destroyed buy a great tidal wave? What about the extinction risk for major animal species?). Look out for my knowlege and ideas on serial murder, youth crime and influence of the mass media, domestic violence, women's crime & victimisation - etc. And accounts of my travels in India and Eastern Europe - such brilliant memories.
I will have to find out how to put photos into this blog (I've only gone digital recently, this year.). Please excuse the typo's!

See you - cheerio, and best wishes,
Tigey.