Christian healing for me - Tom responds to mental hospital care...

Well after a day's gap - what now?

This is the latest on the outcome of the saga of my mentally ill son, Tom (28), who is now doing 'detox' in mental hospital - and myself, who became so broken by all this -and physically unwell. There is also my husband Dave (he is 63), whose normally low state of mind, expecting little, means he has got through all this fairly unscathed. He does not usually get physical illnessses, though his memory and concentration are getting much worse, after all the stress we've had for well over the last 4 years. He does occasionally have trouble with feeling faint, which the doctor says is nothing to worry about - it is not his heart, just that his blood pressure drops at times.

My typing is badly affected - I keep on making errors, so excuse this! I was trained in tying and shorthand, on a government training scheme in 1984, so really should be better, but I was never a real touch typist. Computers help one to delete the errors, but still make the job slow. Anyway - how are we all today? I was left physically quite unwell: I developed an upper chest infection, coughing horrid yellow phlegm up, which got worse from Friday onwards (it is now Monday). I started these blogs last Monday - so this is a week later. I still did not sleep well on Saturday night, because I had developed a skin rash on my feet from my sandal straps rubbing, a sort of sweat rash that turned into eczema. It was better last night, as I put creams on, and left off the sandals that caused it, so I was no longer irritated in bed (in the early hours of morning). I slept for 8 hours last night, but still feel washed out. I am seeing my own doctor this afternoon, and hope to get antibiotics to clear up this nasty infection. My general health is currently lowered and I can't speak properly - my voice is a husky squeak.

Since I last wrote here, we have seen Tom twice and are due to see him again today. I spoke to Tom by phone yesterday, as I could not get to see him. I was at our church house in W. London, for morning and evening services and lunch. We had hoped to get me over to the hospital in the afternoon, but the traffic on the way was gridlocked, just too hard for Dave to get through. Dave just went briefly on his own, and took Tom in some things. He says Tom was mixing well with the other patients, so he left him to it. We saw him the night before and he was much better - the detox was working and he was very lucid. The night before that, after the first 24 hours, we had also seen him - he was somewhat better then but very tense. On both times, he looked much improved - he was clean, shaved, fresh and alert. He was aware of all the harm he'd caused us, and very sorry. He was also in a mood to address his problems, ie. his compulsions, OCD, tics and failure to manage his life, money etc. He was waiting to see the psychiatrist (Dr. A.) on Tuesday - now tomorrow.

After his doctor's visit, there will be some idea of what treatment programme he is going to follow. We will find out if he's staying there for a while, or moving to another London Hospital. Anyway, he is likely to stay inside for several weeks. He now has his guitar, church songbook, music tapes and books - to help keep him occupied. Yesterday he told me he played guitar for an informal Christian worship meeting some patients held in their common room - the others thought he played well! He now has a role in there - as "musician" and Christian worshipper. Another woman patient there is a lay reader; they have Bibles, so that was easy to set up. There are 2 chaplains, but he had not spoken to them yet. This is good so far.

On Saturday I went to the big worship meeting in Trafalgar Square, of my church, the Jesus Army (or MJA). It was good to see everyone, and meet people who could give ME some support, buth spiritual and practical. I had prayer from 3 sets of "sisters" - this built me up! My voice got even more worn out telling people about things, and the sun was very hot (but it had been worse in previous years). We went into the nearby National Gallery for water and the toilet, and later I had tea with 2 other London 'sisters' who, like me, were going home after the meeting. Most of the others went on by coaches and minibuses to the big church Marquee and meeting place in Northampton (at Cornhill Manor) but I had to return home, to see Dave and Tom. (It was Dave's and my 39th Wedding Anniversary - I found him a lovely card with 2 drawn cats' heads in close up, and a bottle of white wine, and cooked a meal.) V., one of the 2 women friends I had tea with, told me her brother had been through a similar (but much longer) history to Tom's - and had brought much grief to their family - and only last year he was sectioned, at the age of nearly 50! At least Tom was "caught" younger, but we have had to wait for 2-3 years for something to happen - he was fairly bad last year (but turned down inpatient treatment last summer).

Yesterday (Sunday) I was at church all day - I usually go back to the church house for lunch - and received spiritual healing. I felt quite washed out and 'down' when I arrived (at our Covent Garden meeting centre) and found it very stuffy and hot. But the pastor's words and the worship songs were very powerful, and did their work. When it came to one song, "Ain't it amazing" (that Jesus died for us & redeemed our sins) I began to weep as I sang, raised my hands and felt true release. The sins being atoned for were obviously Tom's - I felt he should be singing this. And maybe they were ours, too, as not so perfect parents. One brother prayed for me, to get help and release from "my own guilt" - I am sure I had some faults as Tom's mother. I did my best, and always loved him - but there are times when one loses it... I may well have been over-protective, as Tom was often bullied at school, over may years of hius childhood, which made me really angry and anxious to defend him. Dave made mistakes too - but that's his problem to work out, and I won't go into that. He loved Tom a lot too, but found him "extremely difficult" - he was very naughty.

The rest of the day was full of sisterhood, support and worship - and I found I was knitted back into the body of our London church - not having been for 10 days! I had prayer again, and fellowship with the sisters in the garden at lunchtime. It was sister V.'s birthday, and she had a gorgeous cake which we all shared. We spoke out to give her encouragements. She has only been in our church a year, and is yet to be baptised - that may be soon. I collected a lot of the "brothers'" mobile phone numbers for Tom - they were glad to give them, and some said they would like to visit him. I was hoping to see Tom during the afternoon but Dave could not get there (see above) - so I rang him and he sounded good! He had played guitar at the patients' worship session, around the same time as ours - and our meeting had prayed for him and his healing. I had a rest on the sofa, then went to the evening worship meeting, led by Tim - the 'dynamic Aussie' guy who leads our new Croydon church household. This session was powerful and upbuilding again, and I was able to enjoy the worship once more. I had prayer from R., one of our sisters, which made me feel relaxed and at peace.

On getting home (collected by Dave), I was able to unwind and then switch my mind off at bedtime, near midnight. At last I had quite a good night's sleep. I still need to get well. But this morning I began to think about and plan my work requirements (teaching criminology locally for Birkbeck College, London) for next term - so things are moving on a bit.
I will end here - we see Tom again this evening, and there will be more news then. And I must soon start writing about other things!

Bless you, cheerio - and thanks for reading this (excuse the typo's) -
Tigey.