After crash, no car for 1 day + My Son progressing in hospital

Well, hello again -

Still not at all an easy day. We woke up quite shaken and shocked by what we had been through yesterday ( a "minor" car crash); it hit me a lot later last night, and I took a half valium before going to bed. In the evening my legs had felt like lead. I woke at 6 am, and took another valium (half a pill) and went back to a fitful sleep till about 8 am. I also had loose bowels (from the shock, fear etc.). When Dave (husband) arose he was immediately in a tense and low state about what faced him today about getting the damaged car repaired. (And we also have local parking fees and two fines to pay...) I said - "At least, thank God, we are in one piece - and not hurt at all." Also the car was NOT a write-off or too seriously harmed, but needed its front panelling and the bumper replacing, and maybe something done to the brakes, plus a new tyre. It was hitting me more and more that we'd had a very narrow escape, from the car possibly rolling over (when on the sloping verge) and crushing us - then we could have been badly hurt, and no use to our vulnerable son Tom, still in hospital. Suppose he had been orphaned? It does not bear thinking about.

After I'd had a much needed bath, I thought about going back to do my conservation work locally, that I'd been occupied with the morning before, and really enjoyed. This would have been therapeutic, and would have got me out of the house. Really, I could do little to help Dave with the car arrangements, as he has control of all the paperwork and information. But he started "blowing up" and "losing it" while trying to go on the phone, and kept losing the thread of what he was meant to be doing. When I was about to go out of the door, he angrily said I was very selfish to go off and leave him to carry on with sorting out all this mess. And he "could not cope" - he was "having a breakdown." I in turn could not handle this, and flared up angrily, shouted and screamed (my own pain) and walked out of the house, just to let off steam: this turned into walking round to the mailbox to post a card (of congratulations to our nephew, Nick B., for passing his A Levels well, with 3 grade A's and a B) - while doing this I prayed to God for grace and strength to cope, but felt really tearful. My own mental state is usually the stronger out of we two.

I then came back to find Dave moving the car out, so he could go to get the tyre replaced. I came back in and stayed around a bit - we had both had calmed down. When he managed to deal with the next stage - ringing up to get our car seen by the VW garage for a repair - I was able to ride off on my bike to the local town centre to get some essential things: a little shopping, top up my mobile and get some "cash back" from the local supermarket. I just had to give up and forget about doing my BTCV work (it would have been at the interesting Egyptian style C19th Kilmorey Mausoleum, which our local Richmond conservationist group is repairing and tidying up. Yesterday we were along the River Thames towpath).

Anyway - later today, while Dave was busy with our car, I had to go over and see Tom by public transport: train, then along walk. There was no other way to get there. The journey was quick by train, but then there was a long walk up Roehampton Hill (Lane) and I was pretty tired when I got there. I also had to tell Tom about our crash. He was rather shocked, and annoyed with us - he thought we should have been wiser about letting me drive in what were really appallingly wet weather conditions as we'd left Richmond Park. In hindsight, I should have asked Dave to take over the driving. That turning out of the Park is very sharp. I had coped with it only 2 days ago in dryer, clear conditions, so I was over-confident perhaps.

I had to play down a bit how badly we were affected, as Tom is still vulnerable. We were glad he was not involved! After a short rest, I then went with Tom for a local walk near the hospital - on Putney Heath, wqhere I last went when I did teaching practice with a class of young children, in 1980. This was very pleasant (in woods and open space), but I still felt rather tired after walking up the hill. We sat down twice and chatted, but Tom wanted to get exercise. However, It was good spending time with him. I heard he had today seen his new Key Worker, Bryan C. (at last!) and things are now moving as to his treatment after he leaves hospital. They will arrange a more structured programme for him, at the Alcohol Counselling Unit, and he will get more therapy while he waits for inpatient treatment. Tom prayed with me, for our family, while we were sitting by the pond: that made me feel better. Two church brothers had again visited him yesterday (while we were having our difficulty.) I said goodbye to him back at the hospital after a quick cup of tea (so restorative!) and left for home, by bus and then train.

I rang Dave on the mobile - he had taken the car over and they had provided a complimentary car!! Brilliant news. Back home, I found a strange, newish white VW Polo car sitting in our drive - at least we can get about without too much difficulty. But I will not be allowed to drive it, as I am certainly not a competent driver yet (see that crash!). We will now be able to visit Tom with more ease, and I will be able to go on to my friend J's tomorrow evening (she is expecting me to replace my visit that was aborted last Saturday, when Tom could not cope at home). Dave will be able to drive me over to my Church house on Saturday for the weekend, to catch the Church minibus to Northampton for our big August Bank Holiday worship meetings. Tom will not be able to go, as he's still in hospital. Having use of that white car will make a real difference to us. We are paying for the cost of all this through our car insurance, so will lose our no claims bonus, but it is worth it, as the total amount (including the white car rental) will be very high at over £1,200.

I did have another bit of good news - a missing letter I had sent to my College was found in their postal system, so my pay claim and some Course Guide chapters I'd written have got through after all. That's good! It is about time this family was favoured again by Heaven, or by fate (as Dave, a non-Christian, may see it). And Tom is at last improving, and daily becoming more positive. I hope he can keep it going when he comes out of the safety and shelter of hospital in a week or so.

That is it for now. I will not be writing any more for about 3 days: I will be busy and out of here most of tomorrow, then away with the MJA Church over the weekend - getting spiritual food! So I may communicate again on Bank Holiday Monday - I have to be back home for Tom and Dave, despite the fact the church thing is going on till then. I will come home on Sunday night transport. As I write, a version of the J.S. Bach St. Matthew Passion is playing on my PC - it is really beautiful and calming. Thank God for all classical music, and especially sacred music! Goodbye till next week - and think of me with love and sympathy,

Best wishes to all, Tigey.